Oasis

Most of the time, I am asking myself questions:

Why aren't I doing this?
Am I capable of doing that?
Are you sure you are doing the right thing?
Do you really need to buy this?
Do you really need to eat this?
Do you really have to be so nice about that?
Did you really have to yell at them? Am I doing a good job?
Am I being helpful enough?
What would I do if the situation I find myself in right now were gone tomorrow?
Am I happy?
Am I satisfied?
Why didn't I help them?
How can I him them?
Did I stand up for my beliefs?
Am I practicing my beliefs?
Do I trust you?
Do you trust me?
Am I being inconsiderate?
Am I looking too old?
Am I acting too old?
Am I too old?
What will tomorrow bring?
Should I even be having these thoughts?
Am I too fat?
Is there more to life than this?
Am I even worth it?
Shouldn't I apologize for that?
Why aren't I writing?
Why aren't I reading?
Why don't I care?
Are you listening to me?
Where did you go?
Where did I go?
Where am I?

I know what the answer is for most of these questions. I know what the answer should be for others, but I cannot bring myself or have someone else bring me into a place in my life where the questions don't really matter anymore.

I can't tell myself, or be told by others what the answers are (and/or) should be... but that, right now, isn't good enough. It's beyond that, it's deeper than that.

Forbes: America's 25 Fastest-Growing Tech Companies

Check out who is on number 11th: Read Article.

Fedora + Eee PC = Eeedora

After working out some issues with the maintainer of Eeedora, I have it up and running on my 2Gb Eee PC. It's running really nicely. Below is a screenshot of it.



I am currently trying to get in touch with someone from the Fedora group to see if they host the project somewhere in their servers... let's see what happens.

Eee Pc is here

It's the weekend. This week was a very unusual week, it wasn't a bad week, it wasn't an excellent one either. It was just out of ordinary. I was at the office for a day, took a course for 2 1/2 days, took a test, had some time off, and worked from home.

A couple of other highlights this week was my purchase of the Eee PC, which I am actually using right now to write this post (see screenshot below, click on it to see original size of the screen). It's small, and cool. I've had a lot of problem trying to replace the original flavor of Linux that comes on it. I tried Eeedora, a slimmed down spin of Fedora for the Eee PC.

I had problems with it because my drive is only 2Gb, and the image couldn't fit on it. So, I contacted the owner of the project, and he acknowledge that indeed he hadn't taken in consideration the 2Gb SSD models. He has fixed the image, and I am currently downloading it now, and I will try to install it again.



The other highlight was the game I picked up for the Xbox 360: Rainbow Six Vegas. It's the most realistic FPS game I've ever played. I literally feel like I belong to some special forces military unit. Very cool.

Many great things happened in my house as well... I love my family, they make it all worth it.

f(x)=y

Day 114: Life is a function, originally uploaded by afsilva.

My Eee PC is here, and I passed my ITIL Foundation Certification Test.

Yada yada yada...

I was in training today. I will be in training tomorrow, and half of the day on Thursday, and then after that, I will take a 40 question (multiple choice) test, in which I only need to get 24 questions right, and I will be ITIL Foundation Certified.

I am not going to comment on it, I mean, if someone wants to pay me to learn something (independent of what I think of the subject), I am all for it... Specially, if I get the chance to add something else to my resume... assuming I pass :-)

Actually, the only thing I will say is that throughout the whole training the only thing that came to my mind were the words of Fred Brooks: "No Silver Bullet"

I am more and more convinced that IT and SE (in part) are moved by some big Technology-Marketing machine where we are fed over and over again, what's the solution for all of our problems, even though everyone markets it as not really being a solution, but just a 'guideline', a 'framework'.

For now, I am going to go study my booklet, tomorrow, we start at 8 AM, which means I have to wake up around 6:30 and leave the house around 7...

Out of Sight...

I've started working on some changes on my daily life, most of them may not be drastic, or even meaningful, but I am at least finding something to do.

1. As I stated, I've ordered an Eee PC to replace my 'mobile' needs. I will no longer carry around my 15" laptop or my iPod Touch. I've sold my iPod, which is good. My laptop still for sale, but I don't know if I will get any takers. In case I don't, I will be using that laptop as a 'home desktop' type of thing, where I will use my external HD for back up, and do anything CPU intensive on it.

1.1. On a side note, I cannot believe how many scammers are out there, trying to trick people who post goods on craigslist. I've had scammers contact me on ebay before, but not at the same rate as craigslist. Yesterday, I posted my laptop for sale, and within 24 hours, I got 6 different emails from people trying to buy my laptop as long as I could ship it overseas, like to Nigeria... They would write very friendly emails, and come up with some lousy excusre why they couldn't give me a phone number and how some member of their family lived overseas, and they would like me to send the laptop to them. Bull sh*t!

2. I've removed my Xbox 360 from my bedroom, and I placed it in my office. The logic behind it is 'Out of Sight, Out of Mind,' I've started felling that I was spending to much time playing games, and not only affecting my 'father/husband' time, but also time that I could be reading or doing something more productive. Now that TV seems to have gone bankrupt on remotely interesting ideas, it is very easy for me to turn on my game console and play for hours... Also, to have it in the my office, it makes it a bit more accessible for the kids to play as well, since having them over in my bedroom to play, sometimes was a bit disturbing.

3. Good by MP3s, I have decided with the Eee PC, I will convert all my music from MP3s to Ogg Vorbis, which I've never got to do before because iPod's by default don't handle the format. I have over 5 thousand songs being converted at home as I write this blog entry.

Like I said, nothing too deep, but it could lead to other changes as well.

Changes

So, I've sold iPod Touch today, and I am currently trying to sell my laptop as well. If you know anyone who is interested let me know.

I am getting rid of all that, and getting an Eee PC. It will be a major change on my computing life, but I am very interested to see how it will go. The laptop is so small, that I am planning on using it as a mp3 player in the car (to listen to my podcasts). The Eee PC was only $310, and I really want to see if I am able to do everything I need to do related to computing on it.



Here are the specs:

# 7" WVGA (800x480) TFT Display
# One-click intuitive interface
# WiFi 802.11b/g
# 10/100 LAN
# Intel Mobile CPU
# Intel UMA graphics
# 512MB memory
# 2GB Flash hard drive
# Memory Card Reader: MMC/SD (SDHC)
# Over 40 built-in applications for learn, work and play
# Linux based operating system
# 3 USB 2.0, 1 VGA, 1 Audio jack out, 1 Audio jack in, 1 RJ-45
# Approximate Unit Dimensions: 8.86" (W) x 6.3" (D) x 0.79"~1.26" (H)
# Approximate Unit Weight: 2 lbs
# 1 Year Limited Warranty (6 months for battery)


I intend to share my experience in this blog. I basically came to the conclusion today that as long as I have my workstation at work, and a VPN connection at home, I don't need much power to surf the web, write on blogs, upload photos and chat... so I am going small.

Technology Yesterday & Today

The 'old' ads I got from 2spare.com:

Yesterday's RAM:

Today's RAM:


Yesterday's Storage:



Today's Storage:

Half-Day Shift

*Work*
Tonight I will be working starting at 9 PM, and going straight into the morning... possibly until 9 AM. A 12 hour shift. I am at home right now, I worked some during the day, and I intend to catch a nap this afternoon, to keep the 'cranky' being inside of me away during the night shift deployment :-)

*Gaming*
A couple of things to mention is the fact that I picked up 'Gears of War' for the Xbox 360 to play with people from work. I hear they get online every so often and play against each other. I've played the game for about 5 minutes, and it looks really cool. On the other hand, I got rid off 'Mass Effect', for whatever reason, I couldn't get into that game. I played some, but I thought was pretty boring.

*Friendship*
I sent yesterday's post to my former Undergraduate advisor (whom I also consider a friend), he was a Software Engineer for a big tech company for over 25 years, and his response to my thoughts really brought me some peace of mind about this 'I am a programmer' issue. Here is what he said, I hope he doesn't mind, since I didn't ask permission to quote him:

I think it shows some pretty great thoughtfulness about life and how as we grow our interests change. It's in part why I enjoyed the upfront and backend part of the life cycle a lot more (working with customers even though they can be pain) toward the end of my time at COMPANYX. The other reality is that API's etc were not changing at the rate they are now. Even then though I found it hard to get excited about "new things" that would be obsolete in a year. I felt a lot better about learning things (concepts) that wouldn't become obsolete as fast or with actually solving problems I knew would help make other folks lives better or easier.

Thanks Doc! It helped me a lot.

Where did I go?

Four years or so ago, something happened to me. I lost something thing that I treasured for so long in my life. I am not entirely sure how it happened. I didn't start hating it or anything like that. I keep telling myself that maybe I just misplaced it, and it is just a matter of time until I find it again.

What did I lose? The love and curiosity for programming. It used to be my life, I could spend hours upon hours coding... It was more than work, it was a challenge, it was fun. I used to get a real sense of accomplishment writing code.

Like I said, I don't dislike doing it still, but I don't get any kick out of it anymore. It is mostly a job, if I have to do it.

I got tired of the petty wars between language communities, I got tired of keeping up with the different frameworks, libraries, APIs that start showing up so fast, that you can't even get enough time to become an expert in any of them.

I got tired of making the same mistakes, and having the same security issues in the code... I got tired of not being appreciated by family and friends who have absolutely no idea what 'coding' means, some of them just thought I had an easy life and I didn't do pretty much nothing for living :-)

Yet, what I really think was the major turn off towards programming for me, is the fact that software is not concrete enough. All you need is electricity to go off, and all your work is gone... not necessarily forever, but still. I don't see software (and in this case even technology in general) making anyone a better person, and that bugs me.

Sure, software does make people's life easier, but that doesn't make us better. Actually, I think it is the other way around, it make us more spoiled, more ungrateful, more impatient, greedier... and that bothers me too.

I still work with technology, and I do love my job. I like the people I work with, but it is just a job. It is something I do to pay my bills, and feed my kids.

Part of the reason, IMHO, that I enjoy my job so much is because I am not necessarily writing code that much. I still write it, but not that much... I help people. I get their code and I put it together so other people (mostly the rest of the world) can use it.

And that to me is more satisfying than writing code, helping a fellow worker to get something accomplished, even if it is related to writing code.

Boredom

“Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need”
~Voltaire

Sometimes I wonder, if 40 hours a week isn't enough. Even though I work more than that with some side projects, still... maybe I just need more work to do.

“Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.”
~Thomas S. Szasz

A bit extreme, but close. Not 'everything' may be a waste of time because there may be things that aren't a waste, but given the hour of the day, they are not available, so then everything else left is indeed a waste of time.

“I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom.”
~Thomas Carlyle

Here is where my generation failed, and most likely the ones to follow. Most of us would rather die bored, which is a shame.

“In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.”
~Richard Bach

This one goes well with Voltaire's quote. Live free of boredom, vice and need, and happy that you accomplished something in the mean time.

Did I mention I am bored out of my mind tonight? Too tired to do anything, yet not tired enough to go to sleep.

The Normal vs The Nerd

All people have a "tact filter", which applies tact in one direction to everything that passes through it. Most "normal people" have the tact filter positioned to apply tact in the outgoing direction. Thus whatever normal people say gets the appropriate amount of tact applied to it before they say it. This is because when they were growing up, their parents continually drilled into their heads statements like, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!"

"Nerds," on the other hand, have their tact filter positioned to apply tact in the incoming direction. Thus, whatever anyone says to them gets the appropriate amount of tact added when they hear it. This is because when nerds were growing up, they continually got picked on, and their parents continually drilled into their heads statements like, "They're just saying those mean things because they're jealous. They don't really mean it."

When normal people talk to each other, both people usually apply the appropriate amount of tact to everything they say, and no one's feelings get hurt. When nerds talk to each other, both people usually apply the appropriate amount of tact to everything they hear, and no one's feelings get hurt. However, when normal people talk to nerds, the nerds often get frustrated because the normal people seem to be dodging the real issues and not saying what they really mean. Worse yet, when nerds talk to normal people, the normal people's feelings often get hurt because the nerds don't apply tact, assuming the normal person will take their blunt statements and apply whatever tact is necessary.

So, nerds need to understand that normal people have to apply tact to everything they say; they become really uncomfortable if they can't do this. Normal people need to understand that despite the fact that nerds are usually tactless, things they say are almost never meant personally and shouldn't be taken that way. Both types of people need to be extra patient when dealing with someone whose tact filter is backwards relative to their own.

Source: Jeff Bigler

Useful software...

I don't think I've ever seen this so summarized before:

Q: What’s the easiest way to charge money for software?
A: Build software that helps other people make (or save) money.

Source: Signal vs Noise Blog

I would suggest that the answer also applies to the question: "What makes people want to use a certain piece of software?"

That's it! That's why Linux on the Desktop is not all it can be, yet that is why it is so successful on the server side.

"Money" could be actual dollars on your account, or it could be time for you to spend with your family, or even the fact that you don't want to get annoyed by trying to get something to work.

Communication

Joseph Priestley:

The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate.

George Bernard Shaw:

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished.

What blows my mind about these quotes is the fact that they are quite old. The first is over 150 years ago, and the second one is over 60 years ago, yet, they are still truth.

Today, I heard someone say that the biggest problem where I work is the lack of communication. :-) We, have phones, cellphones, home phones, conference rooms, chat rooms, emails, faxes, yet, our biggest problem is communication.

How many couples have broken up because they didn't communicate? How many parents fight with their kids because they don't communicate? How many kids get in trouble, and possibly ruin their future because they didn't communicate with their parents?

How many of us fall, and sin, and hurt one another because we don't communicate with God?

Communication? What communication?! This problem transcends time. It's nothing new, and it probably won't be solved. We talk, we all talk, we all know how the weather here and there is... but we don't communicate.

It reminds me of Ecclesiastes 1:9,10... another perfect truth that still stands and it is about 3 thousand years old.

9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

10 Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.

I hope my message is getting through to you! ;-)

From professor to student

In 4 days, I start one more 'term' teaching CMIS 310 at Liberty University. I thought the course on campus for about 3 years, and now this is my third term teaching it online. The campus course is a whole semester long, the online version is 8 weeks.

The following is my 'introductory' message to the class:

0. I will ask everyone to hang tight with me because sometimes I do take a week or two to grade things... Here are some tips:

1. Participate as much as possible in the forums (Discussion Board). If you have a technical question, don't ask me, ask the forum (discussion board), the answer can come from anyone who knows about the subject. I will most likely give my opinion as well but don't expect it.

2. Do your homework on time, the first 2 or 3 weeks, this course is a breeze, but then it picks up really fast!!! I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU LOOK AHEAD!

3. This course is one of the hardest in the DLP program. Sometimes the instructions maybe a bit confusing... DO NOT GIVE UP... a lot of this course is based on experimenting and researching! If an explanation to do something doesn't make sense to you... ASK IN THE FORUM! ASK GOOGLE! THEN ASK ME!

4. If you submit a piece of homework, and it doesn't look good, as in, you will probably get a below 50 the way it is, I will 'release' your submission, so you can try to submit the assignment again.

5. GOOGLE is YOUR FRIEND. DON'T CHEAT, but research! I hope you know what that means!

6. Visit this bulletin board AT LEAST ONCE a DAY! Announcements will most likely be posted here first. Everyone probably already gets enough SPAM via email, and I promise I will not fill out your INBOX with more junk :-)

7. I honestly don't care how busy you are outside school work. I don't really care if you work 100 hours a week, so please, don't try to use your 'life' as an excuse not to do work.

I am flexible with deadlines *** EXCEPT for THE FINAL DAY OF SCHOOL *** yet, I don't sympathize with anyone who thinks they are 'too busy'... all of us are!

8. Feel free to vent off, and rant about the course, and your frustrations... we are more than just academic buddies, we are brothers and sisters in Christ. So, if you think venting off will do you good, feel free, just be RESPECTFUL of one another (including me) :-)

9. Feel free to Instant Messenge me at anytime, if I can't talk, i will let you know, and then get back to you.

10. DON'T ask me questions via email... ASK THEM on the board. Your question maybe someone else's question.

11. BE PATIENT.

12. Don't expect an A, it makes life a lot less stressful... They are possible to get, don't get me wrong, but it takes a lot of work, and a pretty good technical background to do so.

Twice a day

There are usually about 90 minutes out of the 1440 of my day when something special happens.

For those 90 minutes, I get a glimpse of where I should be in my life. I plan out my day at work, my night at home. I call upon the divine, I think about what I should write on this blog.

For those 90 minutes, I learn about forgiveness, about love, about patience, about living life for something larger than myself. I think about the things I am going to say and do with my kids, and what will I teach them. I wonder of all the things I've said, and done, and the things that I will say and do, which ones will stick with them forever, even after I am gone. Which memories will they share with their own kids.

For those 90 minutes, I am the perfect employee, the one who will devote my 8+ hours at work to help my peers, and solve problems. The person who will be available to answer questions and investigate the solutions for problems when needed.

For those 90 minutes, I thirst knowledge and relationship with God and others. I see myself taking time out to give something back to the community. I see myself going home and spending some time reading a book, meditating on the Word, helping my wife with the dishes.

For those 90 minutes, I become a romantic, I think of the things I will tell my wife, and how I will hold her in my arms for the sake of enjoying her company without expecting sex in return. I see myself sitting by her while she plays the piano getting high from each note struck by her delicate fingers.

For those 90 minutes, I am taking time to exercise, diet, and get into a better shape, which I do not to conform to society's expectation, but to set an example to my kids by trying to do everything in my power to live as long as healthy as I can for them, my grandkids and who knows maybe even great-grandkids. Yet realizing that it is all in God's hand, but at least I am doing my part.

Then, I park my car, turn off the engine, and live my life the way it is.

50-50

I am 50/50 on this. I strongly dislike commercials... Honestly, I don't like most of the ideas revolving around Marketing and Advertisement in general. I don't like it for many reason, like: really stupid ads that patronize customers, and it's goal of making people think they must have something they don't really need.

With all that said, the following commercial caught my attention last night. It uses the problems with our society today to try to sell you a new car (that you probably don't need). It is a perfect example how we can use a 'right' message to do the wrong thing.

Every hour of every day, of every month, of every year

Every hour of every day, of every month, of every year, originally uploaded by afsilva.

"This year, or this month, or, more likely, this very day, we have failed to practise ourselves the kind of behaviour we expect from other people." -- C.S. Lewis

A couple of things on the agenda today...

Bill Gates' video about his last full day at Microsoft is actually funny:



A thought I stole from 37 Signals blog:

“Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man; he is sure to find an easy way of doing it.” -Walter Chrysler

You know I have to say that part of my history and the limited success I've had in technology thus far is mostly due to the fact that I am lazy... Whenever I see someone doing something on the computer that is 'labor intensive' like too much copy and pasting, or opening too many files, modifying too much text manually, etc... I get really annoyed, and I usually try to come up with a better, more automated way to do it.

More PGR4 Photos

This game is awesome!

Ferrari F2008 is out!

Mighty

I don't want to live a life for myself. I want to be a part of His/story.

Saturday Night Fever

It's 9 PM on a Saturday night, and I am in bed with the lights off, tv off, everyone in the house asleep. I usually go to bed around 11:30PM - 12:00AM, which gives me approximately 3 hours to myself. Three hours for me to do whatever I want.

I was inclined to turn on my XBox 360 and play some, but I've already done that today for a few hours.

I did have the TV on, but the fact that even with over 150 channels, I can't find anything that interests me enough on TV and that piss me off. So, I turned the TV off.

I could read a book. I did read some already thing morning, but I could read some more, but I know if I do, I will virtually automatically fall asleep.

I could go downstairs, sit on my living and contemplate the night through the window... but I can't find motivation for that.

I could start a prayer, but if I do, I will probably fall asleep faster than if I read a book... sad, but true.

There is nobody on my 'buddy list' for chatting tonight.

There are no news newsworthy enough for me to try to follow.

No photographs to take.

No songs to sing.

Yet, I can't fall asleep because my wife depends on me to wake her up at 11:15PM so she can feed our a son.

It's nice to hear the silence being disturbed by the keystrokes of my laptop's keyboard. In this house, there's noise from the second the kids are up, till the last few minutes before I sleep.

My house is noisy. We are a family who is bothered and bored by silence. A family who needs to learn how to be still. We don't need to be busy doing something at every single second of the day.

Somehow, somewhere along our way, relaxing on the weekend became, "Let's make sure we are not bored." Honestly, I don't know how many times a day I hear my kids come to me telling me that they are 'bored,' while having at their disposal hundreds of toys, access to over 150 channels (although maybe 10 or so are for kids), over 30 different games and a backyard... how can one get bored?

Well, they can, because of the example they have in me. I get bored too. I have a wife, 3 kids, TVs, DVDs, 4 laptops in the house (although 2 are my wife's), ipod, xbox, books, projects that I would like to work on, and even real work to do... yet, Saturdays and Sundays are mostly a bore.

We work so hard, to do things so fast, so easy, so efficiently, so we can have more time for ourselves, family, and friends, and when we get the time, what do we do!? We go each to our corner to try to find something to do, and end up being alone and bored.

There is an infection somewhere, and I can feel a fever coming to fight this infection. It is the infection of materialism, consumerism, selfishness, and loneliness.

It is so incredibly easy to put these thoughts in writing, and be aware of this infection.
It is so incredibly hard to act on these thoughts, and get rid of this infection.

I can't do it alone. I need The Doctor, He needs to fix me, and I need to lead my family into a better path.

Good night.

May I never forget

The following are the writings of Brazilian Pastor Ricardo Gondim, translated (sometimes paraphrased) by me. The reason I've taken the time to translate this is mostly because Pr. Ricardo Gondim words spoke to me very very loudly... Now, I have to take these words, and apply them to my life.

In our culture today (inside and outside the Church) there exists this 'fever' of finding the easy way out.

Pr. Ricardo prpposes a different way. He warns us that this different way, is a longer, less travelled journey. A journey that doesn't lead us to success (as the world knows it)... Pr. Ricardo continues:

The word 'success' shouldn't even be in the vocabulary of someone who is trying to walk on the steps of Jesus.

The alternative path to living life trying to reach success is to deepen yourself in life, content, coherence, and integrity. It is not to be seduced by the glory of this world, the lights of the stage, don't sacrifice your soul in the celebrity altar. The greatness of a man or woman cannot be measured by his or her conquests, but by his or her integrity. Don't be fooled, an unpretentious man with integrity is worth more than a successful jerk.

Diogenes, the Philosopher, told Alexander, The Great: "You are your biggest enemy," because he knew the king was willing to sacrifice his own soul to conquer the world. The result was that when there was nothing left to conquer, Alexander died tired and sad.

Be a sensitve man, a compassionate shepherd, a loyal friend, a gentle husband, a merciful father. You were called to be faithful to your God, to love your loved ones with simplicity, to care for the poor, and not to reach stardom.

Devote yourself to reading; cultivate quiet meditation; learn how to enjoy poetry. Read, read, read a lot. Travel through romances, biographies, contemporary treaties and theologies. The density of your words will be proportional to the amount of time you spend reading and meditating.

Pray. But try to stay away from the shallowness of the everyday prayers, the ones that only ask God for strenght, relief or help to resolve some life problem. Just loosen up your shoe laces, lock the door of your room, turn off the phone, quiet your heart down and get in tune with the divine.

And don't expect practical results from your moments with God. Learn how to live with empty moments of prayers, with God's silence - which St. João da Cruz (John of The Cross) used to call 'dark night of the soul'. Remember Psalms 46.10: "Be still, and know that I am God;"

Be willing to be forgotten, to go through life anonymously, but treasure the moments lived out with your wife, kids and friends. The book of Ecclesiastes teaches us: "Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.”.

In my website, I have the following quote, which warns me everyday: “Glory is like a circle in water which never ceaseth to enlarge itself til by the broad spreading it disperses to nought”

Therefore, avoid the insanity of wanting to succeed; take care of your spirit and everything will fall into place. Just like a gardner, take care of your roots, and your tree will always be fruitful.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Thank you Pr. Ricardo Gondim for your wise, anointed words.

Resolutions or Wishes?

If I say I am making no resolutions for 2008, that in itself would be a resolution, so I might as well, try to set some goals for this year, and see how many of them I will be able to reach.

I've been thinking about 'goals' for the past few weeks, and even though I do have some to share, I have to confess that I am mostly not motivated to do any of them :-)

So, the more I think about it, I really don't think I have resolutions... I have wishes... Resolutions take work... you have to work at it, which I don't feel like doing it. Wishes just happen, and that's probably why most of the stuff below won't end up happening because it takes a lot of work to get them accomplished.

Wishes

1. Spend less time on the Internet.
-- This has actually been possible thanks to the Xbox 360, but it messes up Resolution #2.

2. Spend less time gaming.
-- I have a rule for my kids where they are not allowed to play video games on school nights, I am seriously thinking about applying this rule to myself.

3. I will not buy a new game, until I get to the end of the ones I already have.
-- Nuff said.

4. If I can get to the end 2008 with a 'new' Church where my family and I can call it 'home' like we did call Brentwood in Lynchburg, I think all of my wishes and resolutions would become less important.

5. Exercise more.
-- As most athletes reach their prime in their late 20s, I have to say, that I feel like a 75 year old man, and that pisses me off.

6. Read more.
-- I want to be challenged, I want to study cultures, histories, etc... Yet, I don't care about reading anything related to 'wars,' and unfortunately, in the US (at least), when you go into the history section of a bookstore, all you see are books about war.

7. Pray more.
-- I don't mean it in a sense of just 'whispering to myself' and hoping someone is listening. I mean meditation time... quiet time... look at the stars/sunrise/sunset and get goose-bump all over because of His glory surrounding me time... that's what I need more of.

8. More husband time.
-- I really want to do more stuff with my wife. Get out of town, spend the night over places, take trips type of thing... I know with a baby that is mostly a dream, but I know I should, and I know I can't... in the future we will.

9. Lose some weight... I don't consider myself fat, and I think most people that know me would agree, but, I could definitely lose a good 20 lbs or so.

10. Eat better... I would actually eat some sorts of salad and healthier stuff if it wasn't so much work to get then prepared the way I like it :-)

11. I need a schedule.
-- Time set apart to: read, study, pray, exercise, family, work, etc... Every 2 years or so, I am able to get into some sort of good schedules that usually lasts between 30 and 90 days. My problem though is if I break that 'streak' it takes me another 2 years to 'feel' like doing it again.

Overall, I think a lot of the issues I've been thinking about are related to 'How I feel.' Isn't that mostly what is wrong with our culture/society anyways? People doing what they 'feel' is right? Instead of doing what is actually right...

So, here is my conclusion, and I am sure somebody out there came up with it before I did, but this really just came to me:

If you do what you feel, and you feel nothing, you end up doing nothing as well.

Nothing like them

Day 93: Boyz, originally uploaded by afsilva.

There's nothing more satisfying to me than seeing these smiles.

Sometimes, I feel I'd do anything for these kids, yet, I know that sometimes discipline and strictness is a better way of showing them how much love I have for them.

What intrigues me, and often scares me, is the fact that what I do for them, with them, and to them, in a way or another, will shape their perception of God's love is (or could be).

I mean, God is our Father in Heaven, and in this physical world, there shouldn't be a better analogy of who God is than your own father, right?

That (IMHO) is the biggest responsibility a man could ever have.

I pray I don't fail.

When life seems to suck...

I haven't written in a while, one of the reasons for that I've already shared a couple of posts ago, but that is not the only one.

This past week, I've been feeling so down that it is almost hard to describe it. I can't even point my finger at the cause... some of it has to do with nostalgia with the holidays and all, some of it had to do with boredom since I was away from work for almost 1 1/2 weeks... I just feel discouraged, unmotivated, and that most of the things I do don't have much meaning. The most (and possibly only) satisfaction I've been getting out of life lately is the fact that I have 3 sons that look up to me (well, at least 2, since the 3rd one is so young) :-)

Yet, certain things have been happening recently that put some perspective into my life. I read the news, and the misery in which most people in the world find themselves in, yet they find the strength to move on. I hear from friends and family who are sick, or have been in accidents, or robbed at gunpoint or may even be experiencing some of the same feelings or lack thereof as I have been.

That reminds me that I am not alone. It reminds me that I am part of a greater picture, and that a few days, weeks, months or even years feeling a bit lost may be just what I need to know exactly when I am found.

I am back at work today (this is my lunch break) :-)